


Riptide

by Icypearls



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Abuse, Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Human, Angst, Drama, Emotional Abuse, F/F, Lots of Hurt, Physical Abuse, Swearing, Violence, domestic abuse, hurt comfort, jaspis - Freeform, long fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-13
Updated: 2017-03-31
Packaged: 2018-10-03 22:41:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 15,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10260407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Icypearls/pseuds/Icypearls
Summary: Lapis had a rough last few years, but now she's finally started college and can get her life in order. That is, if a teammate on the school swim team doesn't derail everything she's working toward.





	1. Shallow Waters

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! So, this is a new pairing for me to write, but I have a 'fun' story planned ahead. I'd love to know what you think so far, and what questions you might have. 
> 
> Anyway, thank you so much for reading this, let me know what's working and what's not. I'm always open to constructive criticism.

Lapis stared at the Olympic sized swimming pool. She had gone through her short warm-up, and now all that was left was to jump in. She had made the team, but only just, and she knew she could do better. Water was her element. It was her life. It had been her driving force when she had attended high school. She had even been up for the Olympics before everything fell apart. 

She took a deep breath, closing her eyes and measuring it out. One. Two. Three. She opened her eyes, looked at her diving point, and jumped. The water was chilly. They didn’t use warmers, and at eight in the morning, not a lot could be done to warm it, even if the pool was inside. A gym was a difficult building to warm, so until the workers came in, the heat wasn’t on. By midday the sun streaming through the large windows would have warmed the place significantly but as it were, the sun had only just reached the sky proper. 

She swam a few laps, counting her breathing and trying to keep pace. Make it to the end of the lane. Flip. Go back. Flip. It felt good to have the water around her again, especially water that didn’t belong to a public pool where it was difficult to swim at all, let alone to do anything like this. 

The alarm on her phone went off, and she sighed, pulling herself over the side of the pool, the concrete scraping her hands. She had just turned off the alarm when the door to the pool opened. A blonde girl walked in, what seemed to be a permanent scowl etched into her face as she looked around. It took her a moment to spot Lapis, but when she did, the scowl somehow deepened. “Oh, great. Now I have to share the pool.” She crossed her arms, making quite the striking figure. She was wearing the school’s swim team suit, so Lapis assumed she would be a teammate. She was probably an upper classman, too. 

Lapis groaned internally. “No, I was just leaving. Getting in some practice early before the team meets this evening.”

The blonde girl snorted. “You’re on the team? You must be a freshman.” She walked over, holding out a hand. “Name’s Jasper. You?”

“Lapis.” She took the other girls hand, looking up to meet her eyes. While the girl’s skin was mostly a brown color, she had patches of light colored skin all over, the most striking of which spanned across her eyes. “I am a freshman. I guess I’ll see you at five, then. Have a good swim.” 

She picked up her belongings and headed toward the changing room, quickly switching out of her swim suit and into the clothes she would need for class. She made it to the room with just a few seconds to spare, sliding into the last seat available, which happened to be in the front of the class. 

The professor wasted no time in handing a syllabus to everyone, going over it briefly, explaining the texts. Looking around, most of the students seemed to already hate having a nine am math class, but two other students, were also sitting up front, seemed to be listening intently. One, a blonde with short hair, was already scribbling down notes. 

Then the professor was silent for a second. He looked around, a smile on his face, and shook his head. “As a freshman class, I’m sure most of you don’t know each other well. So, let’s do an ice breaker!” The entire class groaned, but he kept smiling. “It’ll also help me remember who you are. Just stand up and say your name, what you’re studying, and something that makes you stand out from everyone else.”

He looked over at Lapis, and she stood. It wouldn’t do to be too annoyed. If she had been here earlier she could have gotten a different seat. “I’m Lapis. I’m an art major, I guess, and I’m probably older than all of you.”

A couple people chuckled as she sat. The professor nodded. “How old are you?”

She swallowed. “I’m twenty three. I got a late start at this college thing.”

“That’s okay!” He smiled. Lapis looked down at her unopened notebook and slid the syllabus inside. If this was his usual mood, she wasn’t sure she would be able to come to class everyday. He was too cheerful. She listened, though inattentively, as the rest of the class stood and delivered their introductions. The girl who had been scribbling notes caught her attention. “I’m Peridot. I’m a pre-engineering major. And I’m smarter than all of you.” The pretentious condensation in the girls voice made Lapis grit her teeth. 

The class was over quickly, and as everyone made their way out, she heard whispers about Peridot. That girl was on the fast track to not having any friends. Not that it was Lapis’ concern. She made her way back to her room, where her roommate still hadn’t turned up. It was one of the cheapest dorms. The sleeping area and the living area were the same space, with the smallest possible kitchen was off to the side, barely containing a stove and oven combo, fridge, and just enough counter space for a coffee maker, microwave, and a toaster. The bathroom was on the other side. 

Lapis had just moved in the day prior. Her roommate had already moved in and left, and hadn’t returned. The ‘I want to believe’ and other alien paraphernalia left her unsure of what to think of the girl. Lapis hadn’t put anything decorative up. She had just put her thing away and slept. Which was what she was doing now. She plugged her phone into the charger and set her alarm for fifteen minutes before her next class and fell onto her bed. She didn’t bother to wrap the blankets around herself, instead just pulling her pillow close and closing her eyes. 

She was just falling asleep when the door to the dorm was thrown open and in walked the girl from her math class. She sat up, eyes squinting against the light Peridot had flipped on. “What’s your problem?” she asked. “Trying to nap here.”

Peridot straightened her back, turning to look at Lapis. She turned, eyes wide. “Ohmygosh I didn’t know you were there! We have math together. That’s convenient. Although I think most freshman have similar classes. Hm.” She shrugged, walking over and bending down to look at something under her bed.

Lapis glared at her back for a second before reaching over and flipping the light switch. The room went dark, and a loud thump came from where Peridot had been. “Hey! I needed that light.”

“I need sleep.”

Peridot grumbled, and Lapis could trace her stomps all the way back to the light switch, which flicked on. “Then sleep at night, like a normal person. Just because you wasted years of your life, doesn’t mean everyone else wants to.”

Lapis balled her hands into fists. Who was this child to tell her she had wasted her life? What did she know of what Lapis had been through? After a second, she took a deep breath, grabbed what she would need for the rest of the day, and left the room, slamming the door behind her. 

Obviously, she wouldn’t be getting her nap. Her thoughts swirled as she looked around the campus. With still an hour and a half before her next class, she could probably get more practice in at the pool. The pool had other people now, and she sighed. It was to be expected, since the pool wasn’t reserved for swim team use until practice, but she hated trying to practice with others in the pool. At least this one had a clear division of lanes and open area, but a few people were even in the swim lanes. With a sigh, she shrugged to herself, going into the locker room. Maybe they were on the team? She had only met one teammate, and that had been the blonde from that morning.

She was preoccupied as she stripped her clothes, so she didn’t realize she wasn’t alone until someone spoke. “Nice wings.” She turned, seeing Jasper. “Are they made of water?”

Lapis nodded, pulling on the still wet swim suit she had worn that morning. It was cold and stuck to her skin, making it difficult to pull up. “Yeah. They called me water witch on my swim team in high school.” She shrugged, now hyper aware of Jasper's gaze, still on her back. No doubt in the center. At least the woman was polite enough not to ask. “It seemed like a great idea at eighteen.”

She turned to face Jasper. “I still like them, but it was stupid to get ink over something that happened in high school.”

“So you aren’t eighteen now?” Jasper looked genuinely curious.

Lapis snorted. “No. That’s uh…I’m twenty three. Life happened. I’m here now. I guess.” She looked down at the suit. “But I’m going to try to get in a few laps before class. Bye.” She walked toward the exit, only stopping when Jasper called after her.

“Hey, Lapis!” 

She turned, looking at the other woman. 

“Welcome to BCU.”

She nodded, turning back toward the door. She found and empty lane, again practicing her strokes and breathing techniques. It had been much too long since she had a chance to practice regularly, without having to swerve and miss other swimmers, and she could have continued swimming until practice except she really didn’t want to be thrown out of the school. 

She had two classes on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Her math class seemed like a simple enough class. Intro to sociology was a completely different class. The professor was playing music as they walked in, something from the sixties. Lapis hadn’t cut this class nearly as close as the last one, so she found a seat near the back, where other people shouldn’t bother her.

Of course, she was banking on her roommate not having this class. The girl was short, and from Lapis’ current vantage point, the only thing visible was her fauxhawk, like a shark fin chasing a specific prey. She plopped down directly next to Lapis, shooting her a smile, before opening her textbook and taking out paper. 

It only to Lapis a second to realize the girl wasn’t going to pay attention to the incredulous look on her face, so she sighed. “What are you doing?”

Peridot looked around, eyes wide, before looking at Lapis? “Me? I’m preparing for class. I still haven’t opened my voice recorder. You don’t think we’ll go over anything important, do you? I hope not.” She looked back to her desk, arranging everything just so, while Lapis blinked.

“No, sitting there.” Lapis gestured to Peridot’s seat. “I thought you liked sitting up front?”

“Well, I do.” Peridot took a deep breath and then turned to Lapis fully. “You were back here, though, so I joined you.”

“Go sit up front then. I don’t want you back here.” It was going to be hard enough catching up with where she needed to be, working, and being on the swim team. She couldn’t afford having people dislike her because they associated her with Peridot. She could see about switching dorms later.

Peridot looked lost. “What?” She blinked, looking down at her things, before looking back up to Lapis. “We’re roommates. Shouldn’t we be friends?”

Lapis clenched her fists together. “No. Listen, just…you want me to like you then move somewhere else, okay?”

Peridot’s eyes narrowed behind green tinted glasses, but she grabbed her things and moved to the front, practically throwing herself into a chair and not bothering to organize anything again. Lapis sighed. She could have handled that better, but she wasn’t sure how. Still, after the last few years, she wanted something resembling friendship. 

Not long after the professor started lecturing. Much like the first class, she handed out a syllabus and went over it. Unlike the last class, they started working, with her going over the founder of the study of sociology. 

Fifty minutes later, Lapis was free. She walked to the cafeteria, scanning her school id to get a late lunch. She sat by herself at one of the lunch tables, watching others as they met with friends or wondered the sitting area until they found someone who looked approachable. She dropped the pizza slice she had been eating with a sigh. So far, the first day of college wasn’t the best day of her life. She would have to figure out what to do about Peridot. She had been too harsh on the girl. Fresh out of high school, no doubt, and probably without friends on the campus. They would have to have a talk tonight. Maybe she could tell her to cool the arrogance. 

She decided to go back to the dorm, and maybe have that talk with Peridot now. If they fought before swim practice, at least she could work off any anger. Peridot, however, wasn’t in the room. Lapis looked around, trying to find her roommates class schedule. Lapis’ own was stuck to the fridge, but apparently Peridot had hers put away. She shrugged. Maybe now she could get a nap. She smirked, thinking that maybe trying to sleep would even summon Peridot. It didn’t. Her alarm went off thirty minutes before she was due at practice. She groaned, pulling herself from the bed, grabbing her duffle bag, and heading out the door.


	2. Testing the Waters

The swim team was small, despite the large size of the school. Ten people, Lapis included, total. They sat on the concrete around the pool, backs against the wall, all in the swim suit uniform. Coach Kite was a tall woman, towering over every person on the team. She ran through the basics, with returning members and new members introducing themselves. Lapis was one of three freshmen on the team. Lapis was one of three freshmen on the team. 

The coach had insisted on being called Mala, and that the girls put her number in their phone, in case they ever needed her. Despite being a tall woman, she didn’t speak much. After the preliminary meeting, she stood back and gestured for Jasper to take over. 

“I’m Jasper. I’m captain of the swim team. No, I wasn’t there for try outs. I had business to attend to. Sorry.” She took a deep breath, surveying the team. “Everybody up and get to stretching. The school has exactly ten lanes sectioned in the pool. That’s enough for all of us. I’m sure you all have a specific event you want to do, but first, we’re going to race each other. Individual Melody.”

Some of the older members groaned. Lapis just stood and started her stretches, warming her muscles in preparation for her third plunge of the day. Everyone seemed to finish their stretches at about the same time, walking toward the diving edge of the pool and picking a lane. Jasper took lane one, looking down the row. Lapis had chosen lane two. She swallowed as she looked up at Jasper, realizing just how large the swim team captain was. Lapis just came to her shoulder, though the woman wasn’t built like a swimmer. Instead, she had large muscles and a solid trunk of an abdomen. When Lapis finally looked back at Jasper’s face, she was smiling. With a wink to Lapis, she moved her attention elsewhere. “This is basic. Do your best, let me see what you’re made of.” She moved into a prejump position, looking over to make sure the rest of the team followed suit. “Mark. Set. Go!”

Lapis reacted instantly, executing the perfect leave from the small diving platform and into the water. She concentrated on each of the strokes, on her breathing. She didn’t dare look over at the others for fear that it would ruin her form. She wasn’t sure what Jasper was looking for, but if they were making more cuts to the team, she wanted to be sure it wasn’t her. Soon enough, she was pulling herself out of the water. Jasper, of course, had already gotten out, and was talking with two other team members as she watched. It seemed her time was average for the team, as others were also pulling out of the pool. 

Once everyone had finished, they again sat against the wall, some wrapped in towels, others still soaked. Lapis had a towel draped over she shoulders, using it to wipe her face as water dripped from her hair. Jasper and Mala were to the side, looking at a roster and looking over at the team, pointing to this member or that. 

The took long enough that the team was idly chatting by the time that Jasper stood in front of them again. “Okay.” Jasper looked down at the clip board. “We’ve sorted who will be doing which events. As of this year, we’ve moved up to a division two school, which is good news for you chumps, because you get to double up on the events you do!” She smiled and went down the roster, calling out names and positions. Lapis stiffened when she heard her name. “You’ve got the Freestyle 100, Individual Melody, and the Butterfly 50. Have fun.” She kept going, telling the last few people which events they would be concentrating on. Once everyone had received their positions, Jasper looked at them again. “Okay, that’s enough for tonight. Mala and I have all your numbers and copies of your schedules. We’ll contact you tomorrow with a regular practice schedule. Go get some dinner.”

All the girls stood and headed for the locker room, but Lapis hesitated. She walked over to Jasper. “Hey, so, about the practice schedule.”

Jasper looked down at her, eyes narrowed. “You can’t already have a problem. It doesn’t even exist yet.”

Lapis frowned. “No, it’s not that. I do have a job, too. Fast food. I can get you my schedule for that when I get it, but it changes all the time. I never have the same hours every week.”

“If you miss practice, you have to put in the time on your own and if you miss too much, I’ll cut you from the team.” She looked at Lapis. “You’re good, but we can afford to miss a couple of the races and still win this season.”

Lapis swallowed and nodded. “Fine. Thanks for being so understanding.” The emphasis on the last two words didn’t go unnoticed by the other woman, who scowled, looking just as she had that morning when Lapis had first met her. Instead of waiting for whatever it was Jasper was going to say next, she rolled her eyes and walked toward the locker room. Lapis changed quickly, ignoring all the talk in the locker room, and stalked back to her dorm. 

She had completely forgotten about Peridot. The other girl looked up, eyes wide, when the door slammed into the wall. Lapis froze. The girl was eating cheap noodles, a forkful halfway to her mouth, dripping onto her pants as she sat criss-cross, on the bed. “Lazuli?”

Lapis groaned. She closed the door, gently, and dropped her bags onto the floor, flopping face first onto her bed. 

Peridot cleared her throat. “If it’s going to make your day better, I picked up room change forms. I wasn’t sure if you wanted to go some place different, or if you wanted me to.” 

Lapis sat up, sitting on the edge of her bed. “What?”

Peridot pointed to the desk. Lapis stood, walking over to it. On it was the form Peridot had mentioned, and a voice recorder. With a glance at Peridot, who was looking intently at her noodles, Lapis pushed play.

“Hello Lapis. This is Peridot. I don’t know what I did to upset you, but I apologize. I thought about it during class and have discovered that we are able to change rooms during this part of the semester. I wasn’t sure if you meant move somewhere else literally or not, but if you dislike me that much, I will leave to make you feel better. Peridot.”

Lapis stood, looking down at the recorder for a moment. With a sigh, she turned and looked at Peridot. “Hey,” she said. Peridot looked up, her face in a neutral expression. “You don’t have to leave. I…we can both stay here. I was letting something stupid cloud my judgement of you.”

Peridot looked back at her noodles. “Oh.” Silence echoed throughout the room. Lapis looked to the side, squinting a little as she tried to come up with something else to say. It was Peridot who spoke first. She was looking at Lapis now. “So I can sit with you in class?”

“Yes. Just…tone it down on the ‘I’m smarter than everyone’ thing.”

Peridot crossed her arms over her chest. “It’s true.”

“This is college. Everyone is smart.”

“Not everyone graduates high school at fifteen. I…my parents thought it best if I waited to be more socially mature before attending. I’ve been studying robotics for the last three years.” Suddenly Peridot shot out of bed, pulling out large plastic containers from beneath her it. “Like this one.” It was a small, metal orb with four legs. “I took a few coding classes at a community college and, with my own outside research, built this.” The excited glow of her smile and the way her voice rose with excitement made Lapis relax. The rest of the night was spent with Peridot talking about her interests before deciding that she needed to sleep before her early class the next morning. 

~

Once she had made her peace with Peridot, the first week of classes seemed to fly by. Peridot even became more conscientious of her naps, especially once Lapis came in a two one morning because her managers ‘just couldn’t let afford to let her go’ that night. In no time at all, it was Saturday. 

The room was completely dark, thanks to the blackout curtains Peridot had brought with her. The blonde was still asleep, laying on her stomach, her blanket barely covering her. Her mouth was open and Lapis could hear her deep breaths. She was surprised the girl was still asleep. All that week, minus the very first night they had slept in the same room, Peridot had gone to bed after Lapis, staying awake, sitting at the desk or on her bed, engrossed in her laptop, and she was always awake before Lapis. 

Lapis grabbed her phone, squinting at the sudden bright light. Noon. She had fully slept through half the day. She stretched her arms above her head before sitting up with a sigh. She turned on her phone again, seeing text messages from Jasper.

>>Missing practice already? Lazuli, come on.  
>>I should have messaged you about it Thursday but I thought you would try to talk to me about it.  
>>Strike One 

With a groan, Lapis fell face first back into her pillow. She had completely forgotten about practice Thrusday. She hadn’t even had to work that night. She had stayed in with Peridot, who wanted to show her some stupid tv show they ended up staying up half the night watching, Peridot explaining just how everyone was related and the couple the show seemed to be leading toward was ultimately going to fail. 

She considered going back to sleep, but a growl from her stomach changed her mind. The day was bright, sunny, and warm, the perfect late August weather. Lapis sighed. She could always eat something in her dorm, or go to the cafeteria. Those would be the cheapest, most logical options for her, but today was a nice day. A nice day needed a nice treat. She meandered through the campus while she looked up restaurants in walking distance. She had just found one that looked promising when she ran into a solid wall of…something. 

Her phone dropped from her hand, and she backed away quickly. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t looking where—Oh, Jasper! Hi!” Lapis looked up into her face, seeing her signature scowl. 

“Lazuli. Did you get my messages?”

“Yeah. I’m sorry, it slipped my mind.” Lapis shrugged. “Won’t happen again.”

Jasper grunted. “I know it won’t.” She bent down, picking up the phone Lapis had dropped and handing it to her. 

Lapis groaned when she looked at it. The screen had completely shattered. She couldn’t even read what she had been looking up. She put it in her bag, looking back over at Jasper, who growled at her own phone. She shoved it into her pocket, looking back at Lapis. 

“Hey, lets make a deal. I’ll ignore all your missed practices for the rest of the semester, if you help me with something.”

Lapis raised her eyebrows. “What kind of help?”

Jasper looked around for a second. “Let me buy you lunch and explain a few things.”

With the promise of free food, Lapis followed along. 

Jasper lead her to a car, gesturing without a word for her to get into the passenger side. They drove, again silent, to a nice looking Chinese place, where Jasper walked in, greeting the hostess like an old friend, and they were taken straight to a booth in the back. She took their drink orders and left them to get their own buffet plates. After they both had food in front of them, Jasper spoke.

“Here’s the thing.” She held an eggroll aloft, looking at Lapis. “My favorite professor quit, suddenly, over the summer. I happen to know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, this other woman forced her to. She had a little crowd around her. Everyone is convinced she can do no wrong and worships the ground she walks on.”

Lapis frowned. “What does that have to do with me?”

“She has these little…pets. People she keeps especially close to her, that won’t hear a word of her doing any sort of wrong. I need. I need an ally.” Jasper put he egg roll down, pressing her hands flat to the table. “She quit, too, god I hate this whole thing. I need an informant.”

All of a sudden, Lapis wasn’t sure she liked the price of her free food. “What?”

Jasper sighed. “I sound crazy, I know. It’s complicated.” She looked down at her food, contemplating for a moment. “Actually, forget it.” Her arms fell to her side. “Maybe…” She brought her hand to her face, scratching her forehead as her face wrinkled I thought. 

The restaurant was nearly empty as Lapis looked around. Finally, she put her fork down on her now nearly empty plate and looked at Jasper. “I’ll help however I can, sure. Just tell me what to do.” The look of amazement on Jasper’s face nearly made her laugh. “I know what it’s like to get screwed over, trust me. I’m twenty three and just starting college.” 

Jasper held out her hand, and Lapis stared at it for a moment, before taking it in her own, and firmly shaking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what do you think? I'm pretty ahead of schedule with writing, so I think I'll make updates weekly instead of biweekly. Let me know your thoughts in the comments below!


	3. Toes In

Jasper didn’t contact her anymore after dropping her back off at her dorm. Instead, Lapis was left to think about what Jasper had said. They had continued talking over the meal, though it seemed that Jasper didn’t have any real plans. From what Lapis had gathered, there had been a small explosion at the end of the term last spring, resulting in two of the professors quitting. Jasper claimed that Rose, one of the animal science teachers, had somehow forced Diana to quit. 

“Why do you care so much?” Lapis asked.

Jasper’s pushed her plate away, instead grabbing her drink. “You don’t understand. I’ve lived in this town my entire life. Di was special. She’s the entire reason I graduated, that I came to college. She was half my purpose for getting up and trying in the mornings.” Jasper met her Lapis’s eyes, chuckling at the concerned look. “We were never inappropriate. That question is written on your face. No, she was something like a mother to me. She’s the only person who was ever rooting for me.”

Lapis had nodded. “Yeah, I get that.” With a sigh, Lapis pushed her own plate away. “People suck.”

Now, in her dorm, Lapis groaned. What had she gotten herself into? She glanced over at Peridot, who was laser focused on her laptop, mumbling orders into her headset as she pushed keys and moved her mouse rapidly. She had thought that she was finally leaving all the drama and frustration behind, but she had somehow walked directly into the same thing. Willingly, even. 

She just wanted to focus on class, maybe make one or two friends, and leave. That had been her goal just a week ago. Now, it was Thursday again, and her entire focus had shifted. Lapis still had an hour before her next class, so she picked up her phone and texted Jasper. Maybe this wasn’t what she had pictured, but she and Jasper could be friends. 

>>We should talk. Let’s take a walk. 

She didn’t have to wait long for a response. 

>>Okay. Meet me at the gym in five.

She stood, grabbing her bag and slipping on a pair of flip flops before leaving. 

It was another sunny day. The area seemed to be blessed with those, though being a city on the beach no doubt helped. Everyone had settled into their schedules now. No one was rushing to class like they had been the previous week, and more people were sitting out on the grassy areas in little groups. It didn’t take her long to get to the gym, where Jasper was already waiting. Her pale blonde hair was wet, though not dripping, so Lapis assumed she had been swimming. “What did you want?” Jasper asked.

Lapis shrugged. “It’s been nearly a week and you haven’t so much as talked to me outside of practice. If I’m helping you out, I need to know how. Besides, we should get to know each other.”

“Right.” Jasper looked over at her, a smile tugging at her lips. “You just wanted to hang out.”

With a huff, Lapis crossed her arms. “It wasn’t just that. If we walk around, you can show me the people you’re talking about.”

Jasper chuckled. “Okay then. Let’s go to the beach.” They walked in silence for a few minutes, and Lapis was afraid that it would once again be a silent trip, but Jasper spoke. “So, having problems making your own friends?”

Lapis scowled. “No.” Then she bit her lips. “Maybe. Everyone in my classes just seems so young. My roommate and I are five years apart. It shouldn’t be, but it’s hard to connect.”

“You’re connecting with me all right.” Jasper sighed. “You could always come chill with me and my crew.” 

It was all Lapis could do to not giggle at the word crew. “Yeah, maybe I will,” she said. Then she swallowed. “Or maybe we could just hang out without anyone else.”

Jasper looked over at her, eyebrows raised, but said nothing. They continued walking in silence, Lapis berating herself. They made it to the beach a couple of minutes later, and Jasper grinned. “You have your swim suit on?”

“Yeah? I was going to practice after class.”

“Good. Race you.” Jasper took off running toward the water, shedding clothing as she went. Lapis laughed, tearing after her, hopping as quickly as she could while trying to take off her shorts. Naturally, Jasper won, splashing into the water up to her waist before Lapis could catch up. “I thought you said you were fast, Lazuli.”

Lapis rolled her eyes, splashing Jasper with water. “Shut up.”

Jasper put her hand to her chest in an act of mock sock. “Lapis, how could you.” Then she jumped, wrapping her arms around Lapis and pulling them both under. 

Lapis froze, her entire body tense, until Jasper stood them both up. Her hands were clenched together and she looked, wide eyed, at Jasper. “What the fuck, Jasper. Don’t do that!” She took deep breaths, trying to slow her racing heart. 

Jasper held up her hands, shaking her head. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”

After a moment, Lapis sighed. “It’s fine. Just…let’s just do what we came for.” She turned and walked out of the water, arms crossed under her chest. She didn’t look back to see if Jasper was following. She picked up her clothing and looked toward the school.

“Hey,” Jasper said from behind her, her voice gentle. “I shouldn’t have grabbed you like that without warning or something. I wasn’t thinking.”

Lapis shrugged. “It’s nothing. Do your enemies have a usual spot?”

Taking the change in topic without a second look, Jasper started walking. “Yeah, across from their apartment. I don’t know how they afford it. It’s right up here.” They walked a little further in silence, Lapis still trying to fully calm and ignore the concerned glances Jasper was giving her. 

“There,” Jasper said, gesturing vaguely toward the fence line. “The group of three girls. Amethyst, the Latina girl with the light purple hair, she’s my cousin.” Jasper sighed. “She could have really been something, but her parents man…I had Di, but Amethyst just had to find her own people and sort of failed at that for a long time. Doesn’t help that she hates my guts.” 

Lapis looked over at Jasper. “Why?”

Jasper waved the question away. “The tall black girl is Garnet. Her and Amethyst are both seniors like me.” She chuckled. “Then there’s Pearl. The skinny little thing with peach colored hair. She…actually looks like she’s gotten skinnier. Didn’t think that was possible.”

“Is she sick?”

Jasper shook her head before stopping and nodding. “Yeah. She has a lot of food allergies and sensitivities. I saw her turn down plain yogurt because it would hurt her stomach once. She tends to bring her own food to functions. Anyway, she’s a grad student. Totally had a thing with Rose.” Jasper turned started walking again, back toward the school. 

Lapis laughed. “Didn’t you tell me not to assume there was something between you and Di?”

Jasper shook her head. “No, you don’t understand, they weren’t quiet about it. They were together. Maybe they still are, I don’t know. I do know that Rose’s boyfriend took off with her when she quit, and Pearl is still here.”

“Why do you know so much about people you hate,” Lapis asked.

Jasper shrugged. “Know thine enemy.”

She giggled. “Right, okay. Anything else you’d like to tell me about them?”

“Nah. That’s them. They aren’t going to tell me anything, so maybe you can see if they know anything about Rose or Di.” Jasper stopped, looking at Lapis. “Don’t you have class right now?”

Lapis swore, pulling her phone out her shorts pocket. “I did. Looks like I’ve missed half of it. Oh well, I guess.” 

“If you aren’t going, then we could stay here a while. Just…chill.” Jasper dropped her clothing, sitting on the sand. “Talk, swim. Whatever.”

Lapis nodded. “Sure, okay.”

They spent the rest of the day on the beach, deciding without asking to simply skip all remaining classes. They were sitting side by side looking out over the ocean, the sun setting to their backs. Jasper took a deep breath and smiled, looking over at Lapis. “Let’s go out.”

“What?” Lapis gave her and incredulous look. 

Jasper rolled her eyes. “No like, let’s go to a bar. Come on, I know a nice little place.”

“Are you even old enough to drink?” Lapis asked, unmoving even as Jasper stood. 

“Yes, I can buy my own drinks.” She pulled her tank top over her head, looking down at Lapis. “Come on.”

Lapis stood. “We haven’t ate since lunch.”

Jasper shrugged, then put on her shorts. “Just get drunk faster that way.” She bent down and picked up Lapis’s clothes, handing them to her. 

Lapis sighed and nodded. “Okay then.”

The bar was a short walk away. Then again, everything in this town seemed to be just a short walk away from the college. The bar was chilly, but Lapis thought that had more to do with her probable sun burn than the actual temperature of the school. They found a small table pushed into a corner of the crowded bar and sat. “What do you drink?” Jasper asked, looking at the small menu of food. “I’ll go to the bar and order for us.”

Lapis felt her pocked, looking for her cash, only to realize she hadn’t thought to grab it. She hadn’t originally planned on even leaving campus. “Uh, just water.”

Jasper hadn’t missed the action. “Right. I can cover for you, ‘slong as you pay me back. What’ll it be?”

Lapis debated letting Jasper buy her drinks, though it wasn’t as if it were really Jasper doing so, if she was paying her back. “I…do they have midnight kiss here? My place back home did, I love it.”

“I’ll see,” Jasper said, standing and making her way to the front. Lapis turned and watched her go, her eyes lingering maybe a few moments to long before she turned back around. She stretched her arms up above her head. The bar, which had been crowded when they walked in, was getting more so now that it was getting dark. It didn’t take long for Jasper to return, putting the blue drink in front of Lapis. She sat her own drink down as well, dropping a large basket of french fries and chicken tenders between them. “Eat some, this is to share.”

Lapis looked up at Jasper, who just pushed the basket toward her. “Okay.” Lapis took a fry, smiling. “Why aren’t you uh, ‘chilling with your crew’ tonight?”

Jasper just shrugged and gave Lapis a smirk. “Found someone better.”

Heat rushed to Lapis’s cheeks. “Smooth.”

“I try.” 

They sat, talking more, drinking their drinks, until it was nearly midnight. They walked, back to the college, laughing and talking the whole way. Jasper had her arm wrapped around Lapis, and Lapis was more than happy to make sure it stayed secured there. They finally made it to the door of Lapis’s dorm, Lapis giggling as she fumbled with her keys. She hadn’t pushed herself too far, but she was definitely drunk. “You uh, wanna come in?” She asked, still trying to pull her key out of her pocket. 

She stopped when she felt Jasper’s hand brush her face. She looked up, Jasper’s face very close. Then their lips were touching. She gripped the front of Jasper’s shirt, pulling the other woman down, closer, with one hand, the other wrapping around her neck. They moved backwards. Lapis felt the stones of the building scrape against her back, but that was only a minor thought. Jasper filled her entire being. Her scent, her warmth, her lips, her hair, her skin. Eventually, she pushed Jasper away, though she didn’t relaease her. “Let’s just go back to yours,” she said. “I’ve got no privacy.”

Jasper nodded and they walked that way, their progress hindered from stopping every few feet to kiss. Eventually, they made it back. The door to Jasper’s dorm was unlocked, and it seemed that her roommates were awake, thought this dorm had private rooms. Jasper led her straight through the kitchen and into her room, closing the door. She turned, and Lapis grabbed her shirt again, pulling her downward. She laughed, complying. 

Now free from any accidental viewers, their hands roamed more freely, and it didn’t take long until clothes started coming off. Jasper stopped, pulling away. She was breathing heavily as she looked at Lapis. “You’re sure you wanna? ”Lapis nodded, moving forward again. 

~

Her phone’s ringtone woke her the next morning. Before she could fully open her eyes, it stopped, and she groaned. Jasper had sat up, bleary-eyed, looking around. “What’s that noise?”

“My phone,” she said, turning around and wrapping an arm around Jasper’s waist. “It’s too early.”

The phone rang again, and with another groan, Lapis stood and picked it up. “Hello? Peridot? I’m fine. No I—Peridot, really, I just went out last night and stayed over somewhere. What? Okay yeah I should have told you fine. Don’t worry okay.” She put her hand on her face, shaking her head. “Peri, listen, I have a massive hangover, I don’t know where half my clothes are, and it’s Friday. I’m not going to any of my classes. Peri, you there? Oh, I’m sorry, tmi sure. Listen, I’m going back to sleep, okay. I’ll see you after your class.” She dropped the phone onto the pile of clothes at her feet, resting her face in both hands. 

She only looked up when Jasper chuckled. “Sleeping all day sounds nice.” Jasper lifted the blankets, offering to let Lapis back in, which she took.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, let me know what you think. Also, expect a fair amount of updates I'm really excited to just get this out to everyone. I can't just sit on chapters from week to week I don't have that kind of self control.


	4. Small Wave

Lapis was reading through her sociology text book when Peridot walked into the dorm. Lapis looked up with a smile, but Peridot only mumbled a hey, refusing to look at Lapis. She dropped her bag by her bed and walked into the bathroom. Lapis shrugged, going back to reading. Peridot came out, any glance at Lapis merely fleeting, until Lapis couldn’t take it any longer. She sighed, closing the book and throwing it to the side. “Okay, what’s wrong? You’re never this quiet.”

Peridot’s ears turned red as she perched on her own bed, twisting and untwisting a nut and bolt that she had picked up from the desk, where she was building a mini robot. Her light colored cheeks burned red as she finally looked up. She took a deep breath. “It’s…stupid.” She put the bolt back on the desk, slipping her hands into her pockets, where they were balled into fists. “I don’t like that you were so blunt about sharing your night time activities.”

Lapis stared in disbelief. “You called me, no the other way around. I’m more that old enough to make those decisions.” When Peridot looked back at the floor and swallowed, Lapis sighed. “You, however, are just starting to explore that, so I understand. I’m sorry.”

“Should we have a contingency plan in case your boyfriend wants to be here?” Peridot relaxed a little, the red fading from her face. “Isn’t the universal signal a sock on the doorknob or to something?”

Lapis chuckled. “Okay, a couple things. I’m super gay, I’m not bringing any boys around any time soon.” Peridot straightened a little at that, and Lapis didn’t miss the small flicker of a smile on her lips. “Second, I’m not dating Jasper. It was just a night. We went out, got drunk, and messed around. Third. I am never, ever, putting a sock on the doorknob. I’ll just text you or something.”

Peridot frowned. “Is there time for texting? Everyone is always talking about the heat of the moment and such…” Her cheeks were turning pink again.

This time, Lapis took pity and held in the giggle. “There is. You know, when you’re making out with someone—“

“No. I’ve never kissed anyone.” Now Peridot’s cheeks were aflame again. “I’ve not been around anyone my age that it would be appropriate with for nearly three years.”

“Right. Well, there’s time.” She smiled at Peridot. “Any plans for the weekend?”

Peridot crawled onto her bed and laid on her stomach. “No. Study. Play games.” She shrugged. “The usual. Do you have any plans I should know about?”

Lapis snorted. “I have to work morning shift. Otherwise, nope. I’ll be getting up so early though. Prepare for the alarms.” Peridot groaned, curling into a ball. Lapis thought back to her trip to the beach. “Although I saw a couple of interesting people on the beach yesterday. Maybe we could go say hi.” A grunt was all Lapis got in response.   
\--  
Saturday sucked when working fast food. The early morning hadn’t helped, either. Lapis didn’t want to do anything more than sleep when she got back to the dorm. She took a quick shower and threw on an oversized tshirt, ready to sleep the day away and panic over homework on Sunday, when Peridot walked in and flipped on the light. 

“Lapis!” Her greeting was loud and she beamed. “You’re here, this is great. Let’s go get some dinner.”

With a shake of her head, Lapis mumbled, “I’m broke.”

“The cafeteria is on our meal plans.”

Lapis groaned, wrapping her hands firmly around her pillow. “I want to nap, Peridot.”

“Are you really going to make me eat alone again?” she asked, opening and slamming a desk drawer shut.

Lapis sat up and glared at her. “Why do you think I care? You can make friends.”

Peridot sighed. “Please, Lapis.”

“Fine. But you can’t make a sound during any of my naps next week.” Lapis stood and found some clothes. “Alright, let’s go.”

The cafeteria was nearly deserted. It was a nice afternoon, probably one of the last truly warm ones of the season, so everyone was outdoors enjoying the weather. Lapis and Peridot grabbed their food and went to sit at some tables, when Peridot’s name was called. They looked around to see three girls sitting at a table, waving them over. The three girls that Jasper had pointed out that day on the beach. 

Lapis sat, resisting the urge to let her mouth drop open. She had been trying to figure out how Jasper expected her to become friends with these three, and here they were, welcoming her into the fold. “This is Lapis,” Peridot said. “Lapis, these are Pearl, Amethyst, and Garnet.”

They all said hello, chatting easily. “So, you’re a freshman too?” Pearl asked. 

Lapis nodded. “Yeah. Bit untraditional at my age. I’m twenty-three.”

“Sweet,” Amethyst said, pumping her fist in the air. “Finally someone who will do a crawl with me.” Amethyst ignored the frown Pearl shot her. “Anyway, how do you two know each other?”

“Lapis is my roommate.” Peridot seemed proud of this fact. 

“So,” Lapis searched for a question to ask, “what dorm do you guys live in?” She might have known they didn’t have campus housing, but they didn’t know that she knew. It was a safe question. 

Garnet smirked while Pearl answered. “We don’t live in the dorms. It’s off campus housing. The funding we receive still pays for it, though.”

“’Funding’ says miss grad student over here. Her girlfriend totally paid for hers.” Amethyst grinned, elbowing Pearl in the ribs good-naturedly. 

Pearl didn’t seem to find it so funny. “Amethyst, honestly. Oh, I’m going to have to pay her back.” She seemed to melt onto the table, her face hidden in her hands. 

Amethyst did look sheepish. “I’m sorry, P. I didn’t think it was a big deal. ‘Sides, you know Rose wouldn’t take your money. She loves you and wants to you be there with us.”

Pearl’s sudden sobbing stopped everyone at the table. She looked up, her eyes filled with tears as she shook her head. “We…we broke up,” she managed to say. 

Lapis swallowed and looked over at Peridot, who looked as awkward as she felt. 

Garnet leaned forward, placing a hand on Pearl’s shoulder. “I’m sorry.”

“What happened?” Amethyst asked. 

Pearl took a few deep breaths, gathering her composure. “Last night. I…I broke up with her.”

“Why would you do that?” Garnet asked. There was no judgement or harshness in her voice, only a sincere want to know. 

Pearl shook her head. “I just can’t do that anymore.” She looked between Garnet and Amethyst, fresh tears coming to her eyes. “Rose called me for our nightly talk, and before I could even say anything, she said she had an important question. She asked…” Pearl took a moment to gather herself again, breathing deeply. “She asked how I felt about starting a family.”

Amethyst looked genuinely confused. “Yeah but you and Rose always wanted to adopt. What’s wrong with that?”

Pearl shook her head. “Not adoption. Her and Greg would…well, she wanted my approval, too. We were supposed to talk about it, as a unit. What it would mean for us and…I’m just not built for that sort of relationship.” She looked down at her food, pushing the plate away. “Everything was perfect until Greg showed up.” She swallowed, looking up at Lapis and Peridot. She let out a mirthless laugh. “I’m so sorry. This is a wonderful first meeting.”

Lapis held up her hands. “It’s okay. We’ve all got shit.”

Pearl smiled at her. “Anyway, I was talking to her and I just realized I couldn’t have Greg be such a huge part of my life. I couldn’t raise a kid with him. I would murder him. But…the kid would be more his than mine.”

“Pearl, that’s not how that works.” Garnet stood and moved to the other side of her friend, wrapping her arm around her. “You know that. That child would have two adoring mothers and a great father.”

“It wouldn’t be healthy for one mother to despise the father,” Pearl said, looking down again. “It’s for the best. I…I hope they’re happy. I still want to be her friend. I just…I can’t anymore.”

Lapis looked down at her untouched dinner, decidedly not hungry. These people didn’t seem so bad. Why did Jasper seem to think they were the worst people on earth? Sure, Rose wasn’t sounding too hot right now, but Lapis didn’t know much about the situation. 

Amethyst put her hand on Pearl’s knee, talking in a soft, comforting tone. “Come on, P. Don’t stress about it, okay. You were just gaining your weight back from the damage from last spring.” Pearl smiled at her.

“Last spring?” Lapis asked. At least now she could get their side of the story.

The three looked at each other before looking back at Lapis. Pearl obviously wasn’t going to be forthcoming, and Garnet didn’t seem to want to speak, so Amethyst took the lead. 

“Yeah. Some crazy shit went down.” With a final glance at Pearl, she leaned forward. “So this other professor and Rose were having an all out war. Rose found out she was doing a lot of things she shouldn’t be. Taking funds, changing grades, and…there was some stuff about my cousin, Jasper. I don’t know if you know her or not.”

Lapis nodded. “I’m on the swim team.”

“Ugh, I’m sorry. I’d dump that biz if I were you. Anyway, Rose found out and threatened to tell if she didn’t quit, but somehow she managed to twist things with Pearl and Rose around, and it would have ruined Pearl’s entire college career.” Amethyst sighed. “So, in the end, they both quit. Rose moved with Greg to a different college, but it’s a six hour drive away. Pearl had already been accepted here for the grad program, and Rose wouldn’t even hear about her not staying and doing it.”

Lapis looked over at Pearl, who had her head resting on Garnet’s shoulder. “I heard a little about it.”

“Psh. If it’s from Jasper, I’m sure you did. She thought Di was like a goddess or something, I don’t know. They’d always been close, since Jasper was like fourteen. Now she doesn’t even return her emails, let alone a text or phone call. She changed her number.”

With a sigh, Lapis pushed her plate away. “It sounds like you’ve all had a rough few months.”

“A bit,” Pearl said. She straightened up, stretching her arms out behind her back. “I’m going to go...something. I’ll see you girls at home.” They watched her leave, her back curved and her hands shoved into her pockets. 

Garnet stood not long after, and Amethyst followed. “You should sit with us more often. We might be dramatic, be we aren’t normally so filled with drama.”

Lapis smiled. “I think I will. Yeah?” She looked over to Peridot, who nodded, grinning at Amethyst. The two women walked away, Peridot watching until they had left the doors.

“Someone’s got a crush,” Lapis said.

Peridot crossed her arms. “No I don’t.”

“You like Amethyst. It’s so cute! That little blush you’ve got right now is adorable.” Lapis laughed, standing herself. “Come on, let’s go.”

Peridot picked up her own tray and followed Lapis back to the dorm.


	5. Crashing Tides

Jasper chuckled, laying on the couch in her dorm. “Really? Your dorky roommate was already in with them?”

“Apparently, she had been sitting by herself Friday when I skipped, and the cafeteria was crowded, so they had asked if they could share a table and, well, magic.” Lapis was sitting on the floor, in front of the couch. “They seem to like us pretty well. It was a pretty intense lunch, though, so…” Lapis shrugged, leaning her head back to look at Jasper. 

“It sounds like it. I can’t believe Pearl broke it off with Quartz though. I swear she had her head so far up that woman.” Lapis let her eyes fall closed, leaving her head the way it was. Jasper reached over, playing with her new blue dye job. “This is nice.”

She smiled, still not opening her eyes. That would take some of the magic away from the feel of Jasper’s fingers running though her hair. “Thanks.” After a moment of silence, Jasper stopped, sitting up. Lapis moved, too, turning to face the other woman. Jasper leaned forward, elbows on her knees, and just looked at Lapis.

“You’ll still talk to them, though. Keep me informed?”

Lapis resisted rolling her eyes. “Yeah, of course.”

Another beat of silence before Jasper started to grin. “Speaking of skipping classes Friday…we could do that again. You’re alright, Lazuli.”

“Oh,” Lapis said, getting up to her knees and moving forward. She was nearly nose to nose with Jasper. “Liked that, did you?”

Jasper’s hand ran down Lapis’s arm. “A bit.”

With a smile, Lapis leaned forward more, supporting herself with hands on the couch on either side of Jasper. “That could probably be arranged.”

The next two weeks went smoothly for Lapis. She and Jasper would meet a day or two a week and talk about anything that would be relevant to what she had asked and talk, among other things. Peridot became quick friends with the others, and Lapis found herself being pulled, more and more, into their inner circle. They were more than willing to allow Peridot and herself in on anything they did. 

It wasn’t until the fourth week of school that she realized she didn’t want to spy on them anymore. She found herself, again, sitting with Jasper, this time just lounging on her bed. Japer had her arms wrapped around Lapis as they cuddled up, watching something on Netflix and talking. 

“So,” Jasper said, and Lapis internally groaned. She always started with ‘So’ in that same tone, and Lapis always knew she would ask about Rose, or Di, or her new friends. “Any news?”

“They aren’t bad, Jasper.” She felt Jasper tense next to her and sat up. “They aren’t. I don’t know about Rose, or Di, or any of that bullshit, but they are trying to build a life and move past it. They’re actually kind of good people.”

Jasper stared at her. Then she stared some more. She blinked once. “They’re getting to you. Stop hanging out with them. I don’t need the information so much they turn my—“ she stopped, and their eyes met. “Are we dating?”

Lapis shrugged. “We could. Want to?”

“Yeah.” 

“Okay then.” Again, their eyes met for a moment and then they were both laughing, falling back into a laying position. “God, that’s so fucked up,” Lapis said. “How did we even get here?”

“Hell if I know,” Jasper replied. Still, she looked over to Lapis, a smile on her face. “Like I was saying, I don’t want them turning my girlfriend on me.”

Lapis wiggled her way closer to Jasper. “Nothing could do that,” she said. “It’ll be easier to chill with them without scanning for info all the time.”

Jasper frowned, shaking her head. “No, seriously, don’t hang out with them anymore.” She pulled Lapis closer, pushing her face into the bend of her neck. “For me?”

“They’re my only friends.” Lapis reached over and stroked Jasper’s mane of hair. 

Jasper shrugged. “You have Peridot. And me. All we need is each other.”

They stayed like that for a while, Netflix continuing to play the movie. 

Peridot didn’t react at all to the news of Lapis dating Jasper. When Lapis mentioned it, they were both lying in their beds. Peridot was tapping away at her phone, glaring at it through her glasses. “I don’t think she’ll want to sit with us at lunch.” 

Lapis frowned. “No. She really hates them. We don’t eat lunch together, though. It’s mostly dinner when she’s free. She’s more dedicated to swimming than anything.” Lapis sat up, playing with her hands. “She wants me to stop talking to them.”

“Why?” Peridot looked away from her screen. “She can’t just order you around. Be friends with who you want, and if she has a problem with that, she should be the one to leave.”

Lapis gave a small smile and nodded, lying back down. “Yeah. You’re right.”

The next three weeks were spent with Lapis leading nearly the opposite life she had been before she started dating Jasper. She would eat lunch with Garnet, Amethyst, Pearl, and Peridot everyday, and then she would eat dinner with Jasper. She never spoke of them to Jasper.

Then Jasper decided to surprise her at lunch one day. “Uh-oh, trouble at ten o’clock,” Amethyst said, dropping her fork. “What’s she want?”

Lapis turned, seeing Jasper stalking toward them, her scowl more pronounced than Lapis had ever seen. “Shit.” Everyone cast looks toward her. Then Jasper slammed her tray down on the table, her hands landing heavily next to it seconds later. 

The entire table was silent, looking at the two of them. Lapis sat, eyes wide, looking up at Jasper. Once the surrounding tables had stopped looking over, Jasper breathed in deeply through her nose and let it out. “Lapis,” she growled. “What are you doing?”

She clenched her hands together. “What’s it look like? I’m eating lunch.”

“With them!” Jasper jabbed her hands toward everyone but Peridot. “I thought I said not to?”

Lapis looked around, at the expression on the faces. Peridot looked terrified. She was even visably trembling. Garnet had her hands clenched, staring directly at Jasper. Amethyst had a snarl on her face, seemingly ready to launch. Pearl was staring at her plate, but her back, always with good posture, was ramrod straight. Then she looked back to Jasper, who only had eyes for her. “They’re my friends. Fuck off.”

Jasper’s eyes widened. She looked at everyone sitting at the table, then back to Lapis. She picked up her tray, unspeaking for a moment, before she heaved it against the wall. Her hands clenched and she glared at Jasper, ignoring the attention of the rest of the cafeteria, or the way everyone at the table had jumped up. “Why don’t you tell them why you’re their friends?” Then she turned, stalking out the doors. 

Lapis closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. Everyone started talking to her at once. “Are you okay?” “Has she ever done that before? Does she hit you?” “Lapis, that’s not healthy.” She felt a hand on her shoulder and she flinched. 

“I’ve got to go,” she said, abandoning all of her things at the table and chasing after Jasper. The other woman wasn’t far away, and she caught up quickly. “Jasper, Jasper wait, please.”

She stopped, and Lapis saw her shoulders rise with a sigh. “Why would you do that?”

Lapis stayed behind her. “I can have friends.”

“Why them?” She turned to face Lapis. 

Lapis looked down. “Because they’re more my age? Because they actually want to talk to me? I don’t know, Jasper.” She looked up, her own eyes narrowed. “Why did you have to embarrass me like that? God, you brute. Did you have to make a scene?”

“Me? Really? Because I could have sworn you were going to stay away from the people who made my life a living hell, but no, of course not. My girlfriend doesn’t care about that, only about herself.” Jasper started walking away again, but Lapis followed.

The words ripped from her throat, venom dripping from each one. “Oh grow up, Jasper. Di fucking used you, get over it.”

Jasper whirled on her. “No she didn’t. You don’t know anything about that!”

“Between what they’ve told me and what you’ve told me, I know pleanty. Get your head out of your ass and smell the roses.” 

“Fuck you.” Jasper turned and stormed away again, her arms shaking. Lapis just glared after her.

Once she was far enough away, Lapis turned back to the cafeteria. Her own hands were shaking, and she clenched them tight. Thoughts kept swirling in her head. Why did she not try to find other friends? Why had she chased and antagonized Jasper? Why had it felt so good? She stopped, sitting on a bench, tears starting to flow now. Their first real fight. The first squabble had been over in minutes, the next few in hours. Normal lovers tiffs. This, though, was a whole new level. 

“Lapis?” Her head jerked up to see Peridot. Her hands were laced together in front of her. “I’m sorry.”

Lapis shook her head. “It isn’t your fault, Peridot. It’s mine.” She stood. “You want to go back to the dorm?”

Peridot’s eyes widened. “Oh, um, I have class.” She swallowed, pulling off a bookbag she had slung over one shoulder. “This is yours. Um…I could go back with you, if you’d like?”

With a shake of her head, Lapis accepted the bag. “No, that’s fine. I should. I should probably think of a way to apologize.”

“What?” Peridot’s voice was high pitched, her expression a mixture of shock and worry. “No, you shouldn’t have to apologize. If anything, she should. To all of us.” With another shake of her head, Lapis walked away. 

She had decided to take a nap after the disaster that was lunch. Three hours later, she was awoken to loud banging on the door. She cracked her eyes open and her feet had just hit the floor when someone pounded on the door again. “Move, you clods, I have a key,” came Peridot’s voice. “You move fast.”

“Yes, well, it is important,” came Pearl’s voice. 

Lapis managed to grab the doorknob and throw the door open before Peridot could even fish her key out of her pocket. She took one look at the small crowd before turning around and going back to her bed. They filed into the dorm after her. 

She didn’t think anything of it until they all stood around, suddenly pointedly not looking at her. “What is it?”

Pearl scrunched up her face and bit her lip, looking over at Garnet. Amethyst suddenly found the terrible flooring interesting. Garnet sighed. “We’re worried about you.”

It seemed that’s all that Pearl needed to be able to speak. “We can help you, Lapis. You haven’t been dating that long, right?”

“You shouldn’t let her treat you like that,” Amethyst said, finally looking up. “I know how she can be. She is my cousin.”

Lapis looked at the four of them, all lined up, and started to laugh. “Jasper isn’t abusive.” When she saw their unconvinced frowns, she stopped laughing. “No, really. Today has never happened before. She uh, she did ask me to stop hanging out with you guys. I might have told her I would, so she felt pretty betrayed.” Lapis looked down at her feet. “I’m sorry.” Pearl rung her hands, still looking worried and unconvinced, but no one said anything. “I should have been honest with her. It was my fault, really.”

“It’s common for a victim to feel they are to blame,” Pearl started, stepping forward.

Lapis held up a hand, stopping her. “Don’t worry, we’re fine.” Her phone buzzed. An email from a store about a sale. “Oh, it’s Jasper. She wants to talk. Um, I’m going to go.” She slipped a pair of shoes on, grabbed her keys, and nearly sprinted out of the door. One out, though, she didn’t know where to go. 

She let her feet travel where they would and lost herself in thought, still trying to figure out what had happened at lunch. It was like something had broken inside her and suddenly everything came spilling out. She clenched her hands into fists, the nails biting into her palms. She stopped when she realized she was in front of Jasper’s dorm. Of course. The person her thoughts were centered around. 

Lapis knocked and one of Jasper’s roommates threw the door open, took half a glance at her, and rolled her eyes. “She’s in her room.” Lapis knocked softly on the door before hearing a grunt that she took as permission to enter. 

Jasper’s curious look turned into a scowl when she saw her. “What?” Lapis didn’t say anything. Instead, she sat on the bed. After a moment, Jasper joined her. “I’ve been thinking. I should have asked you to at least go where we could talk privately.” She looked over at Lapis and took a deep breath. 

Lapis reached over and grabbed Jasper’s hand. “Yeah. I could have…not screamed in the courtyard.” 

That no one had apologized wasn’t lost on either of them. Still, they were calm, they were together, and for now, that was enough.


	6. Hurricane

Lapis glowered at her phone as she read through the texts Jasper had sent. 

>>We should do something fun tonight.  
>>I know you want to watch that new movie, I’ll take us. It’ll be fun.

Three hours ago, and she still hadn’t responded. She wasn’t sure she could respond. It was already mid-October, meaning it had been a few weeks since their first big fight. She had gradually gotten angrier and angrier with Jasper until she felt like she was going to explode. Even something simple, like this request to go to the movies together, made her angry. 

She laid on her bed with her arm covering her eyes. What could she even say or do? 

>>Let’s not. I don’t really want to see any of the movies out right now.

The response was immediate. 

>>You said you wanted to see that new horror flick yesterday. Remember? C’mon babe, we’ve not have fun in forever. Let’s try?

She swallowed. 

>>Idk what you’re talking about. I have plans anyway so I can’t go tonight. 

She had just sat her phone down when it buzzed again. She groaned, picking it up.

>>Lap, I just want to spend some time together when we aren’t fighting. Please?

An eyeroll. 

>>And I have better people to talk to rn. Can’t I just have an evening with my friends? Why does it always have to be about you?

She waited a moment, but received no response. Satisficed, she looked over to Peridot. “Hey, wanna see what everone’s up to?”

Peridot shrugged but got off her bed anyway. “Sure. It’ll be better than reading this stupid poem about a vine. It’s terrible.”

~

The apartment wasn’t far from their dorm, so they took a fifteen minute walk instead of driving. Garnet didn’t seem surprised to see them despite the fact that Lapis hadn't spent time with them a lot recently, but then, not a lot seemed to surprise Garnet. “Hello.”

“Uh, we thought we’d stop by and see how you were doing,” Peridot offered. 

Garnet took a deep breath and moved to the side. “Just watching a movie.” They followed her into the living room, taking the empty spots, since Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl were all on the couch. It was some rom-com Lapis was unfamiliar with. They passed around bowls of popcorn and offered drinks, and soon everyone was glued to the screen.It was leading up to the part where the girl confesses to her best friend that she loves him when Pearl stood suddenly and left. After a moment, Amethyst stood and followed. 

The movie continued for a few minutes, but they never returned. By the time the credits started rolling. Lapis also had a full bladder. She stood, mumbling something about the bathroom, and walked down to the end of the hallway. She stopped when she heard Pearl and Amethyst talking. 

“…stupid, I know. I should have been honest with her.” Pearl’s voice was thick, like she was crying.

“Yeah, you should.” Amethyst sighed. “She could have handled it better, too. You both could. If you talked to her…”

“No, no. This is for the best.” There was a silent pause before Pearl spoke again. “If she hadn’t just left me behind at the end of the summer, maybe…”

“I’m sorry, P. I know it sucks. You’re strong, you’re your own woman. You’ve got this, and us. And me.”

A small laugh. “Yes, I know. You’re all so wonderful for putting up with me.” Sniffling. “I wanted to hate her, you know. I can’t bring myself to do it. I love her. I. I loved her.”

Another silent paused. 

“I never thought I’d say that in the past tense.” A throat clearing. “Amethyst, thank you. You’re such a good friend. I don’t know what I would have done without you the last few weeks.”

“Fine, Pearl. You’d be fine.”

Then Lapis’s bladder decided to remind her why she was standing in the hall in the first place, and she hurried into the bathroom. When she came back out, Amethyst and Pearl were both in the living room. 

~

By the end of November, being calm and together wasn’t enough for Lapis and Jasper anymore. “Fucking hell, Jasper, stop being such a stupid bitch.” They were both just outside the door to Lapis’s room. 

Jasper’s fist slammed into the bricks, just to the side of Lapis’ face. “Me? Fuck, Lapis, me? Do you even own a mirror? Why do you always insult me in front of my friends like that? Constantly?”

Lapis just glared at her. “Fucking whatever. It doesn’t matter.” She jerked her keys from her pocket and slammed the door open, stopping short when she sat Peridot standing by the bed, seeming unable to decide to do. “I just need my swim stuff.”

Peridot didn’t say anything. She just looked at Lapis, then to Jasper, and the floor. Her own hands were shaking. “See you later, Peri Beary.” Peridot’s lips just twitched into a semblance of a smile. 

“What kind of nickname is that?” Jasper asked.

Lapis shrugged. “It’s cute.”

“She’s cute, huh?”

Lapis nodded. “A bit.”

“Why don’t you go fuck her, then?”

“Why don’t you fuck yourself?” Lapis shot back. 

Neither of them spoke again the entire way to the gym. They changed into swim clothes in silence. Since they had started dating, they had missed more and more practices and fallen behind their teammates. Mala had even stripped Jasper of her role as captain. They weren’t allowed at meets any more until they managed to put in the practice hours. 

Jasper stomped around the locker room, slamming her door to her locker and using much more force than necessary to do anything. It made Lapis tense. Jasper hadn’t hit her, but there was always that ‘yet’ hanging in the air, the knowledge that if she chose to, Lapis wouldn’t be able to do anything about it. 

They walked out of the room together, facing an empty pool. The gym was supposed to be closed this late on Friday’s, but Mala had given them special permission, provided they come together in order to prevent accidents. 

They stretched and swam silently for a few minutes, getting used to the water, before doing their laps and going through the motions of a practice. In all, it only took an hour longer than it should have, because they had to watch and correct each other’s forms. Eventually they decided to call it quits and soon Jasper was sitting on the side of the pool, her feet still in the water, while Lapis was using a towel to try herself. 

Lapis noticed Jasper scowling at the water. “What are you so angry about?”

Jasper said nothing. Instead, she deepened her scowl at the water.

“Oh my god okay then. Don’t say anything. I thought you liked talking.”

Jasper groaned. “Dammit Lapis. I never know with you. You want to know what I was thinking about? Fine. I was thinking about why I even stay with you if you’re going to flaunt the fact that your fucking your roommate in my face!”

“Peridot?” Lapis laughed, walking over to Jasper. “You think that I’m cheating on you with Peridot?” She let her hands fall onto Jasper’s shoulders, noticing Jasper tense at the touch. “Sorry to burst your fantasies, but I’m not. You’re the only one for me.” The spat the last words out as if they had a foul taste. “What do you think about that?”

“I think you’re lying.”

Hot rage flashed through Lapis and she pushed Jasper into the water, jumping in after her. She grabbed Jasper by the waist, attempting to stop her from surfacing. Not that it was effective. Lapis still clinging to her back, Jasper surfaced, pulling air into her lungs. She reached behind her, doing her best to pull Lapis off her back. She pushed and punched and clawed until Lapis finally released her, only to have her jump on her again. 

This time, Jasper managed to turn in her grip and hold Lapis’s arms to her sides, surfacing just before she thought she would explode. Lapis was still coughing when she pushed her back under and attempted to climb out, only to be pulled back in.

They were underwater, fighting for control, when Lapis felt someone wrap their arms around her middle and saw Garnet wrapping arms around Jasper. They surfaced some distance away from each other, noise echoing around them. It didn’t take long for Lapis to realize the shouting was from Amethyst and Peridot, who stood on the side of the pool, looking both worried and terrified. That left Pearl to be the one holding Lapis. “I can swim myself,” she muttered, but Pearl didn’t answer. 

They swam to the edge, where Pearl made sure that Lapis got out first. Not that it would have mattered. Lapis felt drained. Finally, Garnet and Jasper made it around to be near the rest of the group. “What is going on?” Garnet demanded, the tone of her voice saying there was no getting out of answering this one.

Jasper shook her head. “Ask the psycho over there. She attacked me.”

“You accused me of cheating on you!” Lapis yelled back. 

Jasper’s hands went to her hair, pulling it slightly. “Can you blame me?”

Pearl stepped forward. “Enough! Why were you trying to kill each other?”

Neither of them answered. After a few moments of silence, Pearl sighed. “Okay. Obviously, something happened. We don’t have to know what it was. If we leave you alone, will you be okay?”

Jasper was the first to respond. She scoffed, turning around. “No. We haven’t been okay, probably ever. Fuck this, we’re done Lapis.” Everyone watched her walk toward the locker room and come out just seconds later, her swim suit still on and her things in her hands. She stopped, looking around the room, before shaking her head and leaving.

Lapis felt like collapsing. Over. They were over. It was over. Hot tears ran down her cheeks as she choked back a sob. She felt someone hug her, and then someone else, until she was surrounded. 

She pulled away from them all. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I…this was my fault. I.” She squeezed her eyes closed. 

“You were really bad for each other,” came Garnet’s voice, along with a firm hand on her shoulder. “You can both be better.”

“You should have told us things were this bad,” Amethyst said. “Like, we could have helped.”

“It’s not your fault, victims—“

“I’m not the victim!” she screamed, scrambling away from them all. She felt like sobbing again. “I hated her. I took everything out on her. I knew what I was doing in the end. At first…no, but I’m the bad one, okay!” She fell to her knees, hands falling to her sides. “I’m the bad one.”

It took a moment, but Peridot approached her, slowly reaching out and touching her shoulder. “It’s been a really rough night. Let’s just go back and get some sleep.” Everyone murmured in agreement. 

That night, after she was certain that Peridot was asleep, she opened her phone and looked through all the messages, seeing as things got progressively worse and worse between her and Jasper. And their pictures. Once selfies taken together, bright and smiling, and then just selfies, and then just random snapshots that held them both and then…it was just Lapis. Nothing of Jasper at all. 

She felt tears sting her eyes again, but pushed them back. She deserved all of this.


	7. Wading Pool

Finals week was always terrible. Stress over professors who insisted on cumulative finals and managing to pass classes was always terrible, but that was barely a blip on Lapis’s radar. She laid in bed, watching Peridot study. The younger girl had been glued to her texts books, apparently trying to read them all at once. Her eyes snapped away the instant Lapis sat up. 

“Are you studying for this at all?” Peridot asked, holding up the sociology book. Lapis just shrugged. They sat in silence for a moment. “Lapis, you need to pass. I need you as my roomie next term.” 

Lapis snorted. “Why?”

A pained expression crossed Peridot’s features. “Come on, Lapis. You're my friend. My first friend here.” After a moment of silence, Peridot sighed. “Since you're not going to stay with…” she cleared her throat. “You know, where are you going to Christmas? Home?”

Lapis froze. “Going? I was just going to stay here.”

Peridot stared at her. “The dorms are closed for break. You can't. Unless you live off campus, you're out.” 

Of course this would happen. Jasper had been talking about Lapis coming with her for so long that she hadn't given it a second thought. Lapis groaned, falling over onto her bed. 

Lapis felt a weight shift the bed. She looked over when Peridot touched her leg. “You could come with me?”

A small smile graced Lapis’s lips. “You're sure?”

Peridot gave a happy nod.

~

Peridot's parents were nicer than she has led Lapis to believe. They had greeted her with huge warm hugs, which Peridot had readily reciprocated. Plus she had a sister. Peridot had never mentioned her, and by the way the other girl slouched against the walls with her arms crossed, she guessed they didn't get along. 

Then Peridot's mother had even hugged Lapis. She was taken aback by it and it was over before she could do more than tense. Then they started carrying things out to the bed of an old truck. They chatted the whole while, asking Lapis about herself and both how the term had gone. Neither of them mentioned Jasper. 

They had just closed the truck bed when they heard a shout. Three people walked toward them. Lapis and Peridot waved back. “Those are my other friends,” she explained. They had reached the small group by now. “This is Garnet.” Garnet inclined her head. “Pearl.” Pearl smiled and held her hand out to be shaken, which the mother and father did. The sister scowled. “And Amethyst.” 

“Sup,” Amethyst said, nodding her head. 

“And these are my parents, Gloria and Curt. Oh, and my sister, Pearl.”

“No way,” Amethyst said, nudging the Pearl who was beside her, “she has your name, P.”

Pearl chuckled. “We wanted to wish you a happy break and help you pack, but it seems we were late.” 

Curt laughed. “Quite alright girls. We're just glad our little Peri has made some friends.”

“Dad,” Peridot groaned, her pale face burning red.

“Well, we should get going. It was nice meeting you all.” Gloria put her hand on her daughter Pearl's shoulder and they walked to the cab of the truck. 

Everyone stood for a moment before Amethyst grabbed Peridot and Lapis in a bone-crushing hug. Then the others crowded in, resulting in a huge group hug. 

They pulled away. “We’ll be here for all of break if you want to come visit,” Amethyst said with a smile.

“Except for the week of Christmas. Then we’ll be at Rose and Greg's,” Garnet added, placing a hand on Pearl's shoulder as she bit her lip and looked down. 

They said their final farewells and Lapis and Peridot climbed into the truck. 

Peridot lived out in the country. Lapis thought she would have lived in the city from the way she acted. They drove past fields of tobacco, turning onto several unmarked roads. 

They piled out, putting all of Lapis and Peridot's things into a small bedroom. Lapis raised her eyes at the bunk beds. Peridot shrugged. “I guess they put them up when I said you were coming.”

They didn't have time to unpack before Gloria was calling them into the living room. “We thought we'd go out to eat at your favorite place, Peri, so go get ready.” 

~

Pearl was seventeen and still in high school, which wouldn't be getting out until three days before Christmas, meaning she was gone for a majority of the day. Since both of Peridot’s parents work, that left the two with more free time than Lapis had expected. Peridot, unsurprisingly, used that time to tinker with her robots and play videogames. 

Lapis just watched. She had no interest in playing the games, but seeing Peridot get to involved, hearing her yell at her teammates over her headset gave Lapis a strange sense of peace. In the evening, Gloria would come home with Pearl and cook. She always asked Lapis if she liked this or that before making it. 

Lapis felt awkward. She was intruding on this family, and the warm welcome and inclusion in everything made her feel worse about being here. 

Five days after arriving, after Peridot had given her a sandwich and chips on a plate, she sighed. “Your family is so nice. I don't understand.” They sat on the sectional, feet propped on the table as a movie streamed on the television.

Peridot shrugged. “I guess. Pearl and I are under strict orders not to fight, so we’re pretty much not being in the same room.”

“How weird is it to have a friend with your sister's name?” Laspis asked.

Peridot smiled. “They're similar, but Pearl our friend is...different. I don't know.” There was a lull. “I guess Pearl tries. I can respect that.” When Lapis didn't respond, Peridot threw a chip hat her, causing her to jerk away, looking at Peridot with wide eyes. “Whoa, Lapis, I'm sorry!”

Lapis took a deep breath. “It's okay. Just...startled me.” She put her plate on the floor. 

“Did...Did Jasper hit you?” Peridot's voice was small, as if she didn't want to voice the question.

On the screen, a green clad super hero chased a masked figure. It took her a moment to respond, and by then the superhero had caught the runner. “No. She never hit me. The closest she ever came was when she punched a hole in her wall. That's going to such when the college finds out.” Lapis picked up the soft drink Peridot had brought her. “She threw a lot of stuff. Made a lot of noise. Sometimes she would grab my arm a little too hard.” She swallowed roughly and finally looked over to Peridot. “Not that I was any better. I would say terrible things. It was just.. bad, Peri. It felt so good at the time. I loved hating her.” 

They sat in silence again, both looking toward the tv without actually seeing. Finally, Peridot sat her food down on the table. She sighed and looked over at Lapis. “I'm sorry.”

Lapis snorted, closing her eyes and leaning her head back. “It's not your fault.”

“I'm sorry you had to go through that.” Her hand fell on Lapis’s arm, though Lapis didn't move. She didn't even flutter her eyes. 

“I never want to do it again. But I miss her so much.” She looked over to Peridot. “I’m pretty fucked up.” 

They sat, focused on the tv. Lapis felt a brush against her hand, and then Peridot's was resting lightly in hers. She gave Peridot a questioning look. “I'll be here for you.” 

The break moved quickly, and before she could blink, it was Christmas morning. The entire house was humming with anticipation. Peridot was awake, without an alarm or anything, at six in the morning, roughly shaking Lapis. She groaned and rolled over. They had gone to sleep at two that morning, trading childhood Christmas stories. 

“Peri,” she groaned again, “jus lemme sleep.” 

“It's Christmas!” Peridot said, sounding almost insulted. Peridot grabbed Lapis’s hand and tugged, so she sat up. “Come on!”

Through squinted eyes she followed Peridot into the living room, where five cups of hot chocolate sat waiting. Peridot's parents were smiling, camera ready, as everyone found a seat. Pearl was seated in the center or the sectional, too awake and cheerful for Lapis. Peridot plopped onto the edge seat, so Lapis sat next to her. 

Curt was digging under the tree, pulling out presents in wrapped in brightly colored paper. They made small piles shuffling around here and there. Lapis watched, sipping the hot chocolate Peridot had handed her. 

Soon, everyone in the family had presents at their feet. The parents only had a couple each, which Lapis supposed was reasonable, but the amount that Peridot had seemed unfairly large compared to Pearl's. 

After a moment of sitting in silent anticipation, Gloria giggled. “Okay girls, go ahead.” 

Peridot and Pearl tore into the wrapping like nothing Lapis had ever seen. First Pearl unwrapped a thick winter coat, which she immediately stood and tried on, modeling it for everyone. Peridot pulled out a set of high-end headphones, her eyes lighting up. She gushed, holding them up for everyone. 

Peridot bent again, throwing a present into Lapis’s lap. “You don't have to wait. Open them!”

Lapis’s eyebrows knitted together in confusion. “What?”

“Your presents! Open them, mom wouldn't let me see what she got you, even if I showed her what I bought.”

Lapis looked at the small wrapped box in her lap. Written in an untidy scrawl that no doubt belonged to Gloria, was her name. “Oh, wow, thank you.” She felt the build of tears to her eyes and blinked rapidly to dispel them. She opened the present so see a messenger bad. She took it out, a grin coming across her face as she looked up. Peridot’s parents were grinning. “I might have consulted Peridot on a few things.” 

Peridot mumbled something about misleading questions as she opened her other gifts, dropping another into Lapis’s lap. This one was from Peridot, who was pointedly not looking at Lapis.

She tore open the paper, revealing a small journal with Lapis’s name engraved. “Oh wow, thanks.” She sat the two presents aside, looking at her hosts. “I...I don't know what to say. Thank you.”

Gloria and Curt just smiled.

~

It was strange to feel sad about leaving a house and a family that wasn't hers, but when Lapis piled into the truck to be driven back to school, she felt a small pang in her heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was written entirely on my phone during lunch and planning periods. As always, let me know your thoughts.


	8. Tame Waters

Pearl answered the door with a huge grin, welcoming Peridot and Lapis into the apartment. They were hosting a ‘New Term’ party. Small dessert-filled plates littered the counters and a large bowl of punch sat on the kitchen table. It was obvious that Pearl had won the music battle, as soft instrumental music played in the background. 

They had all stuffed themselves onto the couch in the living room, laughing and trading stories about the break. “And then she hit her head again!” Peridot laughed, grinning at Lapis. Lapis just stuck out her tongue. 

Amethyst laughed. “You would never know she was the older out of you guys!” 

“Hey, at least I don’t spend five minutes apologizing to a gaming system,” she said. “Peridot’s mom was making us clean and--”

“It was cleaning day, to be fair.”

Pearl leaned forward, pushing out from the tight spot between Lapis and Garnet. “Oh, a cleaning day. Why haven’t I thought of that?”

Amethyst twacked Peridot on the back of the head, ignoring the frown thrown her way. “Good job, you gave her an idea.”

The sudden vibration on the table distracted them all. “It’s me,” Pearl said, reaching forward and grabbing her phone. The easy smile she had been wearing slipped off her face as the phone fell to the floor. “I...I have to go,” she said, suddenly, walking out the door without a jacket or shoes. 

The four of them looked at each other before Garnet picked up the phone. “Rose is pregnant.”

It was as if a flood had washed away the cheerful mood. After a second, Amethyst stood and rushed after Pearl. Slowly, Garnet, Lapis, and Peridot began cleaning up the mess they had made. Snacks were put into appropriate containers, punch was put in the refrigerator, and dishes were washed. Near the end, Amethsyt and Pearl came back into the apartment, Pearl’s eyes redrimmed and bloodshot. She offered a weak smile before retreating to her room. Amethyst sighed, sitting at the kitchen table. 

Lapis felt at a loss. These people were her friends. Sort of. They were nice to her and sure, they had helped her and Jasper last December, but really, none of them knew her that well, and she didn’t know them either. Not enough to feel comfortable talking to any of them about this. 

Really, she didn’t have anyone.

It was a sudden realization. She looked around the room, realizing that to try to tell any of them any of what she was feeling would be beyond their relationship. She was Peridot’s roommate. That’s what got her the invitations. That’s what had her here today. That’s all she really was. 

She sighed, slipping her shoes on. “I think I’m going to go back to the dorm,” she said. Peridot raised her eyebrows in question, but said nothing, and the other two just told her to be safe. 

She was invited to hang out with them several times but she started turning them down. What use was it when they didn’t want her there? When they were just being nice? So when a vaguely familiar thumping can be heard, waking her from her mid-saturday nap, she’s groggy. 

The door opened on it’s own accord as she sat up. She’s rubbing her eyes, squinting into the sudden bright light. “I have a key, you clods,” Peridot said, walking into the room and flipping on a light switch.

Lapis couldn’t help the chuckle that comes when they all fanned out around the tiny room again, her mind flashing back to the fall term. “What kind of intervention is this?” she asked. “If Peridot said I’m sleeping too much, it’s not true. I’m sleeping a normal Lapis amount.”

“No, it isn’t that…” Pearl said. She looked better than the last time Lapis had seen her, which had been in a cafe while Pearl went through her phone, tears streaming down her face. It’s...well…”

“Why are you avoiding us?” Garnet asked.

Lapis felt her mouth fall open slightly. “I’m...I just didn’t want to be...in the way?”

“In the way of what?” Amethsyt asked. “Like, lunch? Dude, come on. I need some help being the cool one. Pearl and Pdot are total nerds, and Garnet is in a cool class of her own.”

Ignoring the indignant ‘heys’, Lapis felt herself smile. “I guess...I just didn’t want to be a bother. I’ve messed up pretty badly and…”

Amethyst hopped up onto the bed, next to Lapis. “Yeah. Everyone screws up. Everyone has junk. You’re getting better, but like, you can still have friends. Jasper isn’t holding back. She uh, well, when I went home for a few days over break, she was talking to someone. You deserve to find your happy, too.”

“I just don’t deserve…”

“No, you deserve it.” Everyone looked at Pearl. “What happened in the past is in the past. Your previous relationship doesn’t define you, no matter how much it...you…” She took a deep breath. “Amethyst is right. Go find your happy.”

“Yeah, P.!”

Pearl blushed, averting her eyes to the ground. “I’ve had to think a lot about that recently, too.” 

“Let’s go eat,” Pearl said, looking around at the group. Everyone seemed excited by the idea, so Lapis stood and stretched, grabbing her wallet as they walked out the dorm door. 

Maybe she hadn’t found her happy yet. Maybe she didn’t know what her happy was meant to be. But maybe, with good friends and encouragement, she could figure that out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that's that for this fic. It changed so much from my original outline, believe it or not. But hey, that's okay. Anyway, let me know what you guys think!


End file.
